-you know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree, and realize it was just you're air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror
-teacher: "if there are any idiots in this class, stand up"
student: *stands up*
teacher: "now, why are you an idiot?"
student: "i'm not, i just hate seeing you standing up there alone"
-6th grade: your moms fat
high school: your mom was great in bed last night
ahh...how we've matured
-When you look at your phone and you have 7 missed calls from your mom, and you think to yourself "I'm in some deep shit."
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